IM convinced that being obsessed with love and sprinkling bits of miscommunication in there HAS to be better than the inverse, shrugging off love and welcoming mass chaos, distrust and fright.
Go ahead fight and argue with me, over it. I’ll humbly back down and say “Okay, you win.” Know that IM choosing love, peace and tranquility over sharpening my spears and digging in, getting ready for battle. IM no good at masking my affection either. I have tried brushing nerves, jitters and goosebumps cause by anticipation off, that failed miserably. I’ve said hurtful things, fibbed, pushed people away knowing that my reaction to that is usually to cling on tighter. I guess that fight or flight reaction is handled differently with certain people. This past weekend for example, I got the chance to follow up with my heart’s reason for beating in so many words. Maybe I misread the question or succession of questions. I probably just got nervous and shut that down. Mistake number 1-4, I can probably identify in that interaction. 1. Not breathing calmly, regulating my breathing should have been noted. 2. I should have been more direct and honest. (For a brief second, I figured maybe trying the opposite of my usual showering of love and niceties). Screaming I love you as loud as I can in my head is usually my last resort.
(Moving on from dwelling is a win, but still a struggle)
