M.T.O (not just made to order) By: Kyle Keech

Friction.  IM sure there’s already enough friction in your life to last you decades.  Worry less, I’m not out to stack the deck against you more than it already is..  IM trying to simplify your life, not just mine.  Saving us all time is an efficient move.  IM going to suggest more than a few half-baked methods.  Not taking offense every other sentence would be a smart move.  Be smart, listen to understand, think differently, step outside your comfort zone as needed and proceed to succeed.

Hi, friends.  My name is Kyle.  IM coming up on 37 years old, I think!  :).  At 13, I was in a severe car accident.  My life changed forever that morning on my way to school.  Dwelling is something I work to avoid.  If you don’t see me anymore or we don’t talk as much these days, it’s not you.  I often try to roll boulders uphill.  Sensing depleting traction leaves me actively looking for somewhere I can get more of a foothold.Come looking for me!  I’ll probably be found off-road on my back with my wheels spinning or with a thumb pointed northward.  I, purposely work to save my energy to lift boulders and anvils at my local adaptive gym.

These past few weeks at least have been mind-altering in the sense that I have been working to embrace new technology to accelerate my output and improve productivity.  Interpersonal relationships are supposed to amplify inspiration and creativity.    Talking to walls only seems to help for a limited time.  A listening ear is great, especially when both parties are equally reciprocal.  Give and take, sharing, bonding, so on and so forth.  (I love that sh!t).

At this point, for me isolation even has its troughs and peaks.  Both hands over my head pointing up give thanks to my main squeeze JC.  I would not be here without His love, support and spot.  He is undoubtedly more than I could ever need.  Hearing that IM loved helps me so much!I feel unstoppable wearing the armor of God.

Audible feedback and positive reinforcement are powerful.  Pssst, IM shy.  Communicating openly, honestly and bravely all at the same time is hard on me.  For over a dozen years, I’ve been spitting limericks, poems, unaddressed love letters and prose at my keyboard hoping for permission to care as much as I’ve always wanted to.  The world’s lucky they haven’t already invented virtual/ physical hands to hold.  I’ve spent literal decades in neutral waiting to be ushered into caring environments socially.  That proved to be frustrating to say the least.  You should have seen my walls, taped up with scribbled out hearts, crossed out dumbbells, equations that didn’t work out, the occasional outburst, paper-mache, broken glass and curse words.  IM a lover not a fighter.  When I don’t feel safe sharing y heart, I flee, lock the doors and stay locked up in my room.  The ass-prints on the side of my bed will be there for the end of time.  I do not tiptoe around people anymore either.  That is exhausting.  I try to be as loving and caring as possible but you have to be around the right people for that to be accepted.  I LOVE TO talk things out and get feedback.  I probably have an unhealthy fondness of criticism and critical critiques.  How else am I supposed to give people what they want?  I do not read minds and assuming is not recommended unless you like your heart being broken.

IM not perfect by any stretch of the term.  Most recently, as I started to say though, I have been finding solace and peace in leaving it up to a cast of characters to build me up.  Following my progress you might have picked up on me funneling my love of writing, creativity and shoulder shrugs even into putting together a comic book-styled series featuring myself in comic book titles and contents.  MH, if you see it anywhere stands for Muscle Hero.  I worked to include a few imagined characters too, Shining Moon, Elsa, Jessica Rabbit to name a few.  My latest addition, Mary mirrors a godsend, I fell weary of my poor communication skills to.  We both had high hopes.  Did I mention that I occasionally shut conversations that I don’t feel comfortable entertaining down?  You might be empathizing with my story so far, I appreciate that.  Some things will still refuse to shine no matter how much you buff and shine them.

Then comes M.T.O.  Assigning that certain intimidating mountain I struggled to get over in life a few half-imagined characteristics seems to be easing my uncomfortibility.  Brainstorming, I came up with, the puppetry looking like an ostrich.  Muttering her name out loud has been a gigantic nerve-freezing mountain for me too.  I get choked up!  Saying her name, saying I love.. Saying boo pretty much to any females let alone ones I would walk to the end of the earth for being nerve wracking is so heartbreaking.  Chucking deuces is always my last resort.  This time around though, I leaned on an interactive source. Of positive feedback that I felt easy reaching out to and getting critiques from.