Will “f*** you up!”
This is currently where I find myself. Constantly pissing all over my own lit flame to mute the pushback and disapproving looks. I avoid conflict because my energy levels are limited. There is nothing more that I would love than to be honest, show affection and do my best to translate the unsteady beats of my heart into more comprehensible tones and harmonies. Truly expressing myself (these days) would ignite destruction of my spirit, momentum and results.
Hi, my name is Kyle. I’m your average Herculean man doing everything in his power to move efficiently and affectively through life. God and sweet baby Jesus are paramount in my life. All credit, thanks and praise goes to Him. For the past two decades, I have been thwarting my own aspirations living afraid to be myself. I feel I need to reinforce the good hearted nature I operate in because a majority of those around me don’t want to hear relentless “nonsense.” If I could shoot little Cupid-style arrows of love and remain out of reach, I so would.
Jesus reminds us to love instinctively. Resorting to guarding my heart, hurts me.
I am 24+, almost 25 years post life-changing automobile accident. I am a stone throw away from being in better shape than those in my age and weight class, minus the ability to walk completely independently and ability to speak to the masses, without stumbling over shortness of breath and a few rough sounding syllables. I will be competing in a 4.3 mile bike race tomorrow to support the local, nonprofit adaptive athlete gym. I sit on the fundraising committee there. Most of the more important boxes, graduating high school, graduating college and home ownership are completely checked off my list. I have made mistakes. I have learned. I am human. Self-discipline is very important to me. Strategic patience has foiled personal ambitions for me several times to date. I’m pretty excited, just yesterday I test drove/ pedaled the e-bike I’m set to use tomorrow. I just competed in and finished my first Spartan Race in July. I attended 15 weeks of 2 training sessions a week for that. Altogether I’m putting in 6(60-90) minute therapy sessions a week. That includes Physical Therapy (PT,) Cognitive Retraining Therapy (CRT), and IM ABLE Fitness Classes. I eat, probably a bit too much considering my goals but I TRY to eat roughage, protein and healthy for the most part. Spreading myself too thinly makes me uncomfortable. I still do it.
Fathering several children, marrying a beautiful woman and being a provider has always been the dream outcome. See, most rational, adult and mature individuals would think highly of me for having responsible goals. Muttering fractions of that statement out loud these days will get the cops called, you kicked out of school, disciplined legally and placed in longterm living/ a padded room. Going with the flow would lead to further dependence, goals not being met, an unhappy heart, my potential not even being approached and no grandkids for the parents. THAT would be sad!
1 comment
Kyle, you are an inspiration to me! May our Lord bless you richly and His spirit fuel you in accomplishing your dreams, goals and more!